I am not a clown.
Even if a few people think that I am. I am not always laughing like crazy, I am a normal person & I am influenced by experience.
“Why should I be in the same mood from one season to the next.
It is not laughing and ignoring the problems that you have.”
From my understanding, the Clown is keeping the audience’s attention by making them happy and put smiles on their faces.
In addition, they are paying to watch me perform.
I put 100% dedication to making designs for my clients.
I am also trained to finish each project before the deadline.
Once everything is approved I get paid.
Sometimes, as a professional graphic designer,
I feel like a clown.
I provide clients with a service.
Is the client my audience?
It’s all about providing service.
I feel the same as he does and that’s why I came to Cranbrook, to feel freedom as well as to discover joy in art.
But the thing is my joy is just permanent and it becomes
so empty, meaningless, depressed, and loneliness.
Haomin Xu from the Photo department said “It looks like life is performative and boundary between life and performance is obscure.’
I get excited when I do perform in front of people. Once my performance is done I feel depressed. Its because I am trying to make people happy.
I am making something for others to give impressions.
I design for others, not for myself.
I care about others’ feelings, not only about my own.
Even though, I do not wear Clown makeup, wear a professional smile for my audiences. I don’t want to be a clown anymore.
I am confident about what I am doing now and feel so relieved.
Thank you, Cranbrook for being a part of great Art & Design community & helping me to get out of the commercial design world.